How Did It Come To This?
by RoseOfREDRUM
Summary: How could Agent Ressler let his life spiral this out of control? He just wants it to end. Can Agent Keen get to him in time to help him? (idk i havent finished yet lol) warning: suicideattempt, keenler?
1. chapter 1

I don't own the Blacklist.

I just wanted something darker. I've seen the series through season two, but that was so long ago so I'm rewatching. I don't know if this fits well into the story, but let's act like it does for a moment.

please review even if ya hated it. happy 1am :)

 _Sometimes the best of us fall_ , Ressler scribbled in his letter to Keen. He had finally realized that his addiction had gotten the best of him. His tears stained the crumpled letter as he struggled to come up with the words to voice his thoughts.

 _Lizzy,_

 _Sometimes the best of us fall. I have fallen. I can't keep telling myself I don't have a problem, but I can't accept that I do. I have worked so hard and come so far and we were so close, but I kept pushing you away. Now I've lost you. I've lost my career. I have nothing else. Maybe better things are on the other side... I know I've never said this to you, but I love you Elizabeth Keen. Find me on the other side, but don't come soon._

 _Love, Res._

The pen fell out of Ressler's shaking hand as he finished signing the letter. He sobbed even harder as he tried to fold the smudged-ink letter. He tried to comprehend how his life has spiraled this out of control, but he couldn't think straight with the rest of his painkillers in his system. He placed the letter nicely on the counter for the authorities to find, and slumped onto the couch. He watched the arms of the ceiling fan blur together as it beat hot air onto his skin. He wasn't feeling any different than normal, so he went to the cupboard and pulled out all of the basic over-the-counter pain meds he had and emptied them onto the counter. A few spilled to the floor but he paid no mind. He threw a handful into his mouth and swallowed them with a handful of water from the tap. He grabbed his cellphone and stumbled back over to the couch where he looked at pictures of Lizzy and him. He couldn't cry anymore so he just smiled and kissed the screen. He kept scrolling through the images and faintly smiling until he began to feel light-headed and nauseous. He jumped off the couch to vomit in the sink but he fell straight to the floor and collapsed. His phone hit the edge of the couch and fell to the floor ringing. Ressler blinked his eyes at the peculiar noise and saw his phone dialing Liz. His eyes faded color and frothy liquid started seeping through his lips as he lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

sorry my chapters are short. i just like to get out what i have nice n quick

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Liz answered her phone on the second ring, "Hello? Res? ... Ressler! Are you there?!"

It was after midnight and Ressler was normally fast asleep by now. She noticed that he was having a tough time lately so she tried to give hime some space instead of hounding him all the time about his pain meds. Her attention had trailed off into her own thoughts until she heard a thrashing sound coming through the receiver. She called for Ressler again. No answer. She could hear choking noises and her face dropped pale as a sheet. She grabbed her house phone and dialed 911 immediately and sent the paramedics to Res's address. She never hung up her cell as she ran out to her car.

Liz beat the paramedics to Res's apartment and she ran in to find Don shaking faintly and bleeding viciously. Ressler had slammed his limbs and skull on the hardwood floor of his apartment so many times he began to bleed. His body had slammed the floor, table, and couch repeatedly and the damage showed in the dim lighting. Liz inhaled sharply at the sight of her close friend and ran to his side. She pushed the coffee table and couch away from him with her leg and slid under his head so it would rest on her lap. She quick checked for any broken bones and then rolled Res to his side and pleaded his name, "Res please! Don't do this! Don't do this to me Res! Wake up! Donald Ressler, WAKE UP!"

She slammed her fist on the floor, but it just slid through the hot blood and froth pooled around her. As her face twisted in anguish, the paramedics finally busted through the door.

"Ma'am we need you to move!" the one paramedic yelled as he ran over to Agent Ressler. He pressed Don's forehead back and tilted his chin up and began CPR.

Liz stared frozen. She cursed herself for not immediately doing CPR herself. She snapped out of her shock and ran over to see what pills her partner had taken. She knew he normally had Vicodin, but there were other pills splayed across the floor. She started gathering them for the lab and the empty bottles still resting on the counter. She heard a few gurgling noises as the paramedic flushed the rest of the froth blocking Ressler's airway. He was immediately lifted onto a stretcher and rushed out of the room to the ambulance waiting outside for him. Liz followed close behind, and jumped into the ambulance before it could speed off.


	3. Chapter 3

*sigh*

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The paramedics immediately laid a blanket over Ressler, put an oxygen mask over his face, and gave him an IV. He face was so cold and clammy, and it scared Liz. She leaned in close to him, resting her head against his side and held his hand in hers. Liz began whispering his name quietly and crying. She could feel the labored rise and fall of Res's chest... until she couldn't. She paused for a second to make sure, but the paramedics were already pulling her off of him and starting to work. They pulled his oxygen mask off and and a woman grabbed and Ambu bag and placed it over Ressler's face. She gave him rescue breaths while another paramedic began charging the defibrillator. Liz sat pinned against the walls of the ambulance as it raced down the highway, sirens blaring. The paramedics started shouting orders to each other but Liz couldn't decipher what they were saying. To her ears, their voices all meshed together in a shrill noise. She could only hear her own pounding thoughts through the commotion.

 _He's gone. He's not coming back. You saw what he did. He did this because of you. You didn't help him. You never helped him. He needed you and you let him do-_

 **Beep. Beep. Beep.** "Sinus rhythm resumed"

"We're here!"

The back doors of the ambulance flew open as Liz's world suddenly came back into focus. A new fire burned in her body and she knew Ressler could make it. She ran after the gurney with the paramedics until the doctors stopped her.

"You can't come in here!"

"I'm Agent Keen, FBI. He's my partner!" Liz tried forcing her way through the doors after the doctor, but she was held back. She shook the man off that grabbed her and stood outside the doors. A receptionist in the ER walked over to her and guided her gently to a seat in the waiting room. The receptionist sat silently next to her and just rubbed her back reassuringly. Liz silently rocked with her touch and didn't say a word. A few minutes later Liz thanked the woman and the receptionist returned to her desk. It seemed like hours had gone by before a doctor walked out to update Liz.

"Agent Keen?"

Liz practically sprang our of her seat, "Yes! That's me. How's my partner?"

The doctor stood in front of her with his chart, and extended a hand, "Let's take a walk."


	4. Chapter 4

I can't believe so many people saw this story already. I'm kind of excited :) Here's chapter four.

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The doctor referenced his clipboard as he explained Ressler's condition to Keen. She walked alongside him nervously, wondering where they were going. She looked at the doctor expectantly and he began:

"Agent Ressler is stable for the time being. Since he took a multitude of different pain medications, he greatly decreased his chances of surviving. We pumped his stomach as soon as he got here, but I wish it was sooner; he should have been induced to vomit as soon as he was found. If he keeps fighting he will make it out of this. He's just down the hall if you want me to lead you to him. He's still unconscious, but you can still talk to him and keep him company until visiting hours are over."

"Thank you so much, I'd love to see him," Agent Keen said with a forced smile.

"But Agent Keen, at some point a therapist will have to talk to him about all this. He's required to be cleared by a psychiatrist before he can be discharged, but if you'd like to talk to them too, you may."

Liz just nodded curtly and left the doctor in the hallway as she walked into Ressler's room. The sight before her was not what she expected. Res's face was a paler than usual, and his lips were an unsettling shade of blue. He had an oxygen mask on, but his O2 levels had not reached a healthy level yet. His wrists were cuffed and attached to the bed railings, and he had an IV inserted to provide nutrients to his drained system. Liz walked over to the chair in the corner of the room and pulled it up as close as she could to his bed. Tears started filling her eyes, but she dared not make a sound; she didn't want Res to hear her cry. She blinked the tears from her eyes and pulled one of his hands into her own. She stroked the top of his hand as she began to tell a story.

 _When I was a girl, I used to love riding horses. Can you believe that Res?_ She chuckled, Well _anyway,_ _my favorite horse's name was Remmy. He was such a bad boy. He would buck and kick and shake anyone off of his back, besides me._ Liz smiles, squeezing his hand gently. _I used to ride him bareback through the woods, and I would follow this little path that lead out to a secret swamp. The mosquitos were so horrible, and it was actually a terrifically terrible swamp, but it was mine and Remmy's swamp. Well, one time we trotted out to the swamp on a dreary day. We ventured farther than we had ever been around the lake looking for a sheltered place to rest. I saw a nice little spot, and told Remmy to jump up to it, but his hooves sunk into the mucky ground. He neighed and swung his head in dismay. He tried stamping through the mud, but he just slid further into the pit. I desperately stayed on him commanding him to jump when he had stopped trying, but he wouldn't obey. I refused to let him go, but with a wild swing of his head, he knocked me off his back. I landed roughly on the ground, and smacked my head on a log. When I woke up, Remmy was gone. I called him and whistled for him but all I heard were the bugs buzzing over the water. I was so scared but I refused to believe that he was sucked down into the swamp. I made my way home along the path trying not to cry, and when I finally made it back I ran straight over to the stable. I busted in through the doors, ignoring the stable boy's yells, and Remmy was standing in his stall like nothing had ever happened. I sprinted over to him and he reassuring rubbed his massive head against my tear-stained cheek. His hair wiped my tears away and then he returned to the back of his stall and began eating. I was dumbfounded, but let the stable boy escort me out. Remmy and I were even closer after that, and he never let anyone else ride him until the day he died..._

Liz started to cry, despite her best efforts. She let the tears drip onto Res's hand as she continued to talk to him.

"You see Res, you're more than just my partner.." she trails off and wipes her eyes. "You're.. my Remmy. I only care for you, and I'll care for you until the day you die.. but today is not that day. Today is the scary day in the swamp; I know you'll make it out of this virtually unscathed. We will help each other through this rough patch. I will never leave you alone again, Res. I promise."

Liz squeezes the scar on her palm and finishes a last caress of his hand before she stands to leave. Visiting hours are over and she doesn't want to anger the nurses. She pushes the chair back to the corner and walks to the door. She turns around and takes a last look at him, hoping he'll blink or raise a finger for her to stay, but he remains motionless. She blows a quiet kiss at him and shuts the door behind her.


End file.
